Embracing change: How I overcame life’s biggest challenges
You may know that I have had an eventful few months. Filled with lots of tests, new beginnings, sudden losses and sad endings. Honestly. It’s been a lot to contend with.
One thing that has kept me going and moving forward is our beautiful and evolving Retreat Center Blássi Goa. A space that has been calling out to me since the tail end of the pandemic. This natural piece of land on the water, with its healing, mystical and transformative energies, home to an attractive and unique property for these parts of India, would not leave me alone!
It all started with gentle whispers to get my attention, moving into profound and strong invisible pulls. Followed by synchronistic conversations with people, confirming inner eye visions, niggling intuitive perceptions and nagging divine murmurs.
From conception and into gestation, labour and birth, through all the apprehensions, fears, deep knowing, eagerness, growing pains, practical and logistical obstacles, I kept putting one affirming foot in front of the other.
One day at a time. Through all the back breaking physical work, the agony of each contraction, ego challenging and overexerting mental work, healing emotional encounters and soul awakening moments, I kept going.
Taking one mystical step at a time. Through all the human overwhelm, immense pressures and frustrations, where some things seemed impossible, through to that typical “I give up” moment that most women reach in the final stages of childbirth, I kept trusting the process.
I kept my focus on the deeper meaning and the guiding vision. I was in too deep, there was no going back. There was a proverbial baby halfway between my inner and outer worlds. I could only focus on all the reasons ‘why’. Never on ‘why not’?
While I was prepared for workers to make costly mistakes, not show up on time or not show up at all. I half expected creating such a monumental space on Indian soil to push me beyond my limits, and pull me out of my centre.
I was excelling at finding comfort within the discomfort of being immensely busy and stretched. Amidst creating and launching a physical space while planning and preparing for a wedding, launching the UpGrading Live online membership site and maintaining my online coaching practice, I was still good!
What I was not prepared for was having to drop everything and race to catch a flight within hours of receiving news that my Mum was gravely sick. I had been administered a wrecking ball style blow and I was a heap on the floor. I was not as you might imagine, good.
I did stand up again though and I did continue to put one foot in front of the other. So how did I hold my centre? How did I manage to keep going? There were three states of being that I lived in that saved me from becoming hysterical, collapsing into a heap and giving up.
Living in the Now
Being present in each moment was the only way out of hysteria. This was not a new one for me but I did find myself practicing it to a much greater degree out of sheer necessity. I would say, it is the most present I have ever been; ever. In the days that followed, as Mum’s condition became irreversible, if I allowed my attention to be drawn either backwards or forwards, or sucked into thinking about the magnitude of what we were facing, then I would find myself in a downward spiral into anxiety, panic and emotional overwhelm. My Mum and family needed me and so the saying ‘all your power is in the here and now’ took on a whole new meaning for me.
Accepting and Surrendering
The speed and depth of the decline in my Mum’s health, that she didn’t even get a chance to opt for treatment, the missteps at the hands of the post pandemic medical system, the prospect of her sudden death, and as her family, the chaos that ensued in all of our lives as a result, was almost impossible to accept. We didn’t choose this. We were all in our own ways, dealt one blow after another. We were engaged in a full-on battle with the system that was intended to help her heal, and at every turn we were facing blocks and obstacles that I began to sense were divine ones. There was nothing left but to surrender and gracefully accept that this was happening. No matter how opposed to a situation we may feel, or how hard we may have worked to create a certain result or outcome, pushing against the flow is often futile, causing more damage than good. Accepting something that we don’t like or want is not an easy one and it can take time. What could you accept and surrender to today that might just set you free?
The bigger plan
Sitting in the passenger seat of my close friend’s car as she drove us from the church to the cemetery for Mum’s burial, we passed a giant marketing sign with the words, ‘the big plan’. It felt like a slap in the face and a gentle loving caress at the same time. Throughout the entire process, when I wasn’t connecting with the deeper meaning of the situation, or had stopped feeling the grace all around us, observing the miracles as they appeared and feeling grateful for the blessings we were being showered with, it was unbearable. Even though our actions were impactful and effective, truly, it was bigger than us and there was nothing we could do to stop the inevitable. It pains me to say, and as I type I am taking the biggest conscious breath possible but every decision, each unfolding outcome, every difficult conversation, medical individual’s behaviour, each misdemeanour, each kind gesture, green light, red light, cancelled procedure and impasse, were all happening for us, not to us.
Change and challenge are indeed a solid and sure part of our human experience. Whether we see what is happening as a test, a growth opportunity, a tragedy, or even a plain old sucky situation – this is what it is to be human. They do say that life will not give you more than you can handle. I find the word handle interesting in this saying because I have found that any attempt to handle things in the common sense, causes the most pain and struggle. It is when we completely step out of the picture, stop trying to micro-manage the details and wholly and wholeheartedly adopt the attitude of ‘let go and let God’ change us and our lives.
If this feels overwhelming and confusing to you, I get it. You may have heard me and many other coaches and teachers present the idea that you can be, do and have anything you desire and that you create your own reality. So, adding this new layer can feel like a lot to contend with. Teachings only come to us when we are ready to look at them and make a tiny space for them in our being. If you feel ready for this, welcome to a new way of UpGrading. If you do not feel ready, then no problem. The existing way is good for as long as it serves you.
Either way, I am here for all of it! If you’d like to schedule an explorative chat to discover how this relates all to your journey, simply reach out via the website to request a booking form.
In deep honour of you and your journey.
Maria K