Embracing self-love: Six transformative steps
I believe love is the foundation upon which everything with substance is built. Without it the road ahead can be a rocky, arduous and joyless one. I am not talking about romantic love here; although to be rich and real, that too needs built upon the same foundations, and will also benefit greatly from these six steps, I will leave love in its most mainstream sense out of the conversation just for today.
Spiritual love, unconditional love, oneness, agape love and the like, are all different ways of saying love for all beings without discrimination, judgement or a need for or a promise of anything in return. In a world where this kind of stance is not easily embraced in the majority, it is down to us to do what we can for ourselves first and foremost to change what lies within the deepest depth of our hearts.
Self-love really is where we must all begin, and it is useful before we proceed any further to explore what this actually means to each of us, as well as assessing how authentically and truthfully we have been showing up for ourselves to date.
As is always my ethos, as we explore from a place of curiosity and a desire for a better existence and experience, is never to judge, shame or blame ourselves. By learning how we can improve the way we treat and carry ourselves and putting our findings into practice, we can also begin to impact how others and the world treats us.
Love is the most powerful force we have access to outside of weapons. Love is transformational, transmutational – it can turn nothing into something with its presence and something into nothing with it’s supposed retraction.
Beyond the bubble baths, the Netflix and chill time and the early nights though, we must ask, if are we truly in a place of absolute compassion, acceptance and union with our own inner being or are we just using the fluffy stuff to mask our disconnection with our true needs, desires and bond with ourselves?
As I share with you these six steps, I invite you to journey through them as you would an enchanted forest, with treats, delights and treasures to be found. The route to self-love or any kind of love can be a magical one – please enjoy.
Step one – release
Before we can let something new into our space, we must first make way for it. When we are harboring old resentments, wounds or hatreds, we perpetuate a state of rigidity and resistance within our energy field and physical body which takes up a heck of a lot of space. Taking time to release the remnants of the past, whether they are people, fears or unaddressed traumas, will assist us in opening ourselves up for a brand-new way of experiencing our journey. Just imagine having the weight of a situation, a grudge or worry removed from your shoulders? It can be challenging to let go sometimes and so instead of jumping to do it all in one go, we can simply step into state of willingness for things to ease up and gradually shift. Remember, it is in the past, it can no longer harm you, it is safe for you to release it shed the protective habits you may have become accustomed to.
Step two – connect
Developing a connection with yourself is a major key step. When you are practiced in the art of communicating with, understanding and exploring yourself, doing things that serve your highest good eventually become second nature. Many of us have experienced difficulty in connecting with other people at various times in our life and we often hear the words ‘we just don’t gel’ – but for any gelling to occur ‘out there’ with another, there must exist a level of intimacy with themselves first. Taking time to feel our feelings so that we can hold ourselves in compassion for example, can help us to soften our approach on days where we need gentleness. This is impossible to do if we are operating solely from a mind lead place, checking things off our to do list in a clinical manner. As we connect in this way, it is much easier to honor our needs as the person we are, not who we think we should be.
Step three – align
Connection provides us with valuable insights – giving us an accurate blueprint for all levels of life and living. Our mind, body, soul and more are always shifting and evolving – requiring recalibration after recalibration, and also seeking it at times. Nothing about us finite or fixed and so with a commitment to a daily practice that includes observing in real time our mindset, emotions and the messages we are receiving through the sophisticated messaging system that we carry within us we can help us make nesseccary detours that support and assist us in feeling and performing at our best. Aligning with our higher nature through meditative activities such as stillness, nature and creativity helps us to come back to ourselves once again – and in addition, provides a bonus opportunity for us to feel the supportive and loving presence of the universe around us, within us and moving through us.
Step four – respect
The idea that self-love is only about the self-care elements like getting a massage or pedicure leaves the equation, in my consideration incomplete. I have never met anyone who enjoys being disrespected or let down by someone who said they’d show up at a certain time or do something that they didn’t follow through with. Yet we often let ourselves down when it comes to our goals, passions and dreams. Part of loving you, categorically must include choosing you too, because unless you prove to yourself in your thoughts and in your actions that you’re all the way in, no one else will have an example to follow either. Action breeds action and momentum and can re-ignite the fire in your belly. When it comes to the things you are passionate about only you have access to that sensation, so only you can truly know how alive you feel when you shape your behaviors into self-respecting ones.
Step five – appreciate
The reality of any life journey is that there will be lessons to learn along the way. This will often mean loss, heart break and struggle and can easily cause us to become embroiled and stuck in a state of victimhood and resentment. By no means am I insinuating this part is easy, but in conjunction with the above steps, there can come a point where we might begin to forgive, accept and even feel gratitude for our life experiences, and see the value in how they helped to shape us for the better. Personal and spiritual growth is a lifelong thread and will continually fluctuate in theme and intensity – there is always a chance to see things with fresh eyes though if we choose to, even if we ourselves can not change it. The people and situations that trigger us the most are usually our most monumental teachers and quite often a shift in perception can lead to a very rapid shift in circumstance.
Step six – strengthen
Empowerment is something we often wait for someone else to give to us – it’s the biggest act of self-love though when we can see our own brilliance and worth and start living life from that truth. When we give to ourselves in the unconditional manner as described in the above steps, we strengthen from the inside out, forming the essential building blocks not only for self-love but all kinds of love, success, freedom and happiness. Ensuring that you are strong on the inside, or at least engaged in the act of becoming so over time through trusted support, personal growth and self- awareness will give you the resilience to carry on. As you step up, you’ll encounter deliberation and recalibration while you get used to the new you. Learning to say no, harnessing your courage, silencing your doubting mind and trusting the process helps in allowing your authentic self to rise and begin to lead the way a little more each day.
Now that we have covered the six steps to self- love, please go forth with all your newly gathered gems of clarity about yourself, your needs, desires and potential – and love the crazy out of yourself today, on Valentine’s Day each year and each and every day in between.
Please do leave a comment for me and the UpGrade community to et us know how you will love yourself this week.
Happy Love Week,
Maria k